The "Hop-On Precaution" Tee

"Fig. 1: Hop-On Precaution Tee"
(Field Manual Issue No. 0005)

Some families pass down heirlooms. Others pass down banana stands. But only one family—confoundingly solvent and perpetually sunburnt—passed down a stair car.

Rendered in the exacting line-art style of a 1950s appliance diagram, this shirt offers a cautionary illustration labeled simply: Fig. 1. It features a mobile stairway to nowhere (except trouble), complete with a bold advisory printed beneath:

"WARNING – WATCH OUT FOR HOP-ONS."

If you've ever driven a poorly aligned airport vehicle through Orange County and found a man with a duffel bag and emotional baggage clinging to the rails, this shirt is for you.

Woven from tri-blend material soft enough to rival a contraband mink coat and durable enough to withstand minor maritime legal proceedings.

Do not wear near banana stands, airport tarmacs, or romantic encounters with the British.

Colorway: Caution Orange Cream with Blueprint Blue
Fit: Tailored but forgiving—unlike your mother.
Care: Machine wash cold. Remove hop-ons before laundering.

Because there's always money in inside jokes.